3.22.2011
Tired of calm waters
I got some amazing news this past weekend that one of my dearest sisters, Chrissy, has an extra ticket to the NASA Shuttle Launch on April 19th. It's one of the last shuttle launches NASA will have and it's been pretty difficult to get tickets. Seeing a shuttle launch is something that is on my bucket list and I was very disappointed to find that it may never happen with how in demand the tickets are. It was such a surprise when Chrissy told me and I am so thankful. Not to mention unbelievably excited. There was certainly screaming and jumping up-and-down when I heard the news. Will surely post pictures and updates of the event...and cross it off my list, of course!
We've all been busy getting ready for the Seafood Festival that is scheduled for this weekend on Marco Island. It's such a busy time of the year for Dad, as this event might-as-well be his fourth child. As long as the weather is gorgeous, Dad is happy...which means we're all happy. So far, the forecast is looking like perfect weather for Saturday and Sunday.
So, I've been watching and reading and following all of Bethenny Frankel's shows, blogs, twitter-- whatever. I know, I sound crazy but there is something about her that I have been absolutely drawn to. Her determination; her honesty; how she holds people to such high standards and isn't afraid to work herself to death. I've found that the drive and determination of athletics can, in fact, be transferred to other areas of life. That a successful career is just as rewarding as athletics. Maybe even more so. I'm sure there are lives Bethenny has changed due to her products and what she believes in. I feel that her strong characteristic is that she isn't afraid. She isn't afraid to work until it's right. Fear in itself is a huge obstacle to overcome. So many people do not set out to accomplish certain aspirations because they are fearful-- the "what if's" take over and hinder the possibilities that have yet to be created.
The same as when I was an athlete, I am totally playing safe right now. I'm waiting to be told my next move; I'm waiting for someone to show me the way down that path they have already created. Forget that; I'm so bored! I'm done doing what has already been done. I'm done recreating what other people have already created themselves. No more filling in the blanks spots on the template-- I'm re-doing this template. This doesn't mean I will not take advice from others. In fact, I will such every word up like a sponge. I will keep what I like, and mentally put aside that which I don't care for. I will take my ideas and run with them. If I sink, so what, I tried. I'm stirring things up because I'm tired of calm waters. I want my feathers ruffled; I want to be stressed and busy and tired...and accomplished.
That is where I'm at, here and now, right at this moment.
With that, I am also planning to move out of my parents' house sometime soon. Possibly in with one of my sorority sisters who I adore! I'm forward for my independence back but for now, taking one day at a time.
3.08.2011
They call them "roots" for a reason
I've been waiting all day to spill my guts through my keyboard. I'll cut to the chase.
What I've identified myself as since the day I can remember:
-a Jersey girl
-someone's best friend
When I say since the time I can remember, I really mean two years old. She was my right hand and I was her left. We were one in the same; soul mates if you will. My mom tells me stories of us finishing each other's sentences, sharing thoughts without words...essentially, being one mind in two bodies.
We faded in and out of friendship when we went to different elementary schools. We only saw each other once a week during those years; those years I had no idea what I had.
"Maybe our girlfriends are our soulmates and guys are just people to have fun with."
— Candace Bushnell
I moved when I was twelve and sometime after that, we became closer than ever from hundreds of miles away. I started to appreciate and cherish this long-time friendship that we swore would last till the day we died. We'd be maid of honors in weddings, we'd be godmother's and aunt's to children, we'd grow old together, cause chaos in our wheelchairs-- we'd do it all, side-by-side, forever & always.
The same way I'd always be a Jersey girl, I'd always be her best friend and she'd always be mine. You know where this is going, '...or so I thought.'
It's been nearly ten years since I've left the Garden State and everything I'd ever know. Now-a-days, I wake up, I go about my day often without thinking about my past. I look outside my window at the Gulf of Mexico, and that house on Kettle Creek seems a faded memory; a figment of my childhood; a girl I once was. I swore to my Grandmother, day in and day out, that when I was 'a big girl' I would come back home to her. I would 'return to my roots' simply because 'it's where I belong.'
I had no idea then, what my future would hold. I have no idea now, what my future might hold.
Almost ten years and all I have to show for it is a box full of pictures, a hand full of memories, deleted numbers from my phone and a deactivated Facebook so they are unable to find me. I am not running from my past, I am moving beyond it. I am forcing myself to cut the ties with some of the greatest people I've ever known, simply because, they were people I had known-- they are no longer people I know.
It's scary and it's sad. It's confirming my biggest fear. We are growing up and moving on. Things are changing and change is my biggest fear. I've dealt with change all my life and the one thing I've learned, it will never end. Just as sure as the sun rises in the morning and sets in the evening, things will change as they please. It cannot be controlled; change runs wild and runs free. It does not ask for opinions or approval. Change marches to the beat of it's own drum-- most times, when you're not even in the mood for music at all.
I lost my friend and I lost my identity all in one fell swoop... or did I?
Our friendship was one of the best I'd ever known but I know, with this, there will be more. Different I'm sure, for that one was unique in itself, but wonderful none-the-less.
As for my identity, I am finding they are called roots for a reason. Think about it, the roots are the base of a flower. They are far deeper than the eye can see; far below the surface and the beautiful flower which we enjoy. They are the foundation and the reason the flower exists, however, no one pays mind to the roots for they are so far gone into the ground that are almost irrelevant. They are irrelevant to the spectator but everything to the flower-- the key to its growth and the means of growth into such beauty and delicacy.
The flower will never forget, but, without doubt, has grown far beyond the roots of its beginnings.
I will never forget my roots, for they are my foundation of my being; of the woman I have become. Still, they are far gone, so far behind me, I cannot show them to the world. All I can show is the beauty I possess here and now. One day, today will be my roots-- the roots and foundation of the person I have yet become.
Today, I am the flower of my yesterdays and the roots to my tomorrows.
What I've identified myself as since the day I can remember:
-a Jersey girl
-someone's best friend
When I say since the time I can remember, I really mean two years old. She was my right hand and I was her left. We were one in the same; soul mates if you will. My mom tells me stories of us finishing each other's sentences, sharing thoughts without words...essentially, being one mind in two bodies.
We faded in and out of friendship when we went to different elementary schools. We only saw each other once a week during those years; those years I had no idea what I had.
"Maybe our girlfriends are our soulmates and guys are just people to have fun with."
— Candace Bushnell
I moved when I was twelve and sometime after that, we became closer than ever from hundreds of miles away. I started to appreciate and cherish this long-time friendship that we swore would last till the day we died. We'd be maid of honors in weddings, we'd be godmother's and aunt's to children, we'd grow old together, cause chaos in our wheelchairs-- we'd do it all, side-by-side, forever & always.
The same way I'd always be a Jersey girl, I'd always be her best friend and she'd always be mine. You know where this is going, '...or so I thought.'
It's been nearly ten years since I've left the Garden State and everything I'd ever know. Now-a-days, I wake up, I go about my day often without thinking about my past. I look outside my window at the Gulf of Mexico, and that house on Kettle Creek seems a faded memory; a figment of my childhood; a girl I once was. I swore to my Grandmother, day in and day out, that when I was 'a big girl' I would come back home to her. I would 'return to my roots' simply because 'it's where I belong.'
I had no idea then, what my future would hold. I have no idea now, what my future might hold.
Almost ten years and all I have to show for it is a box full of pictures, a hand full of memories, deleted numbers from my phone and a deactivated Facebook so they are unable to find me. I am not running from my past, I am moving beyond it. I am forcing myself to cut the ties with some of the greatest people I've ever known, simply because, they were people I had known-- they are no longer people I know.
It's scary and it's sad. It's confirming my biggest fear. We are growing up and moving on. Things are changing and change is my biggest fear. I've dealt with change all my life and the one thing I've learned, it will never end. Just as sure as the sun rises in the morning and sets in the evening, things will change as they please. It cannot be controlled; change runs wild and runs free. It does not ask for opinions or approval. Change marches to the beat of it's own drum-- most times, when you're not even in the mood for music at all.
I lost my friend and I lost my identity all in one fell swoop... or did I?
Our friendship was one of the best I'd ever known but I know, with this, there will be more. Different I'm sure, for that one was unique in itself, but wonderful none-the-less.
As for my identity, I am finding they are called roots for a reason. Think about it, the roots are the base of a flower. They are far deeper than the eye can see; far below the surface and the beautiful flower which we enjoy. They are the foundation and the reason the flower exists, however, no one pays mind to the roots for they are so far gone into the ground that are almost irrelevant. They are irrelevant to the spectator but everything to the flower-- the key to its growth and the means of growth into such beauty and delicacy.
The flower will never forget, but, without doubt, has grown far beyond the roots of its beginnings.
I will never forget my roots, for they are my foundation of my being; of the woman I have become. Still, they are far gone, so far behind me, I cannot show them to the world. All I can show is the beauty I possess here and now. One day, today will be my roots-- the roots and foundation of the person I have yet become.
Today, I am the flower of my yesterdays and the roots to my tomorrows.
3.02.2011
March Madness
Total madness here! Just kidding; well, sort of. Things have been crazy busy around here but I suppose that's a good thing.
I kicked off this week by having my entire closet crumble within itself, leaving a pile of "closet" large enough to completely overtake the elliptical in my room. Which really, is such a shame since that elliptical my parents "had to have," gets used only once in a blue moon. Hah! With everything being so hectic-- particularly Dad's schedule between Real Estate & the Seafood Festival-- three days later, the pile remains.
Jenn & I are supposed to go to a Yankee/Red Sox game on Friday however, I got the tickets off ebay for an excitingly low price and...yup! You got it. Have yet to see the tickets and today is Wednesday. Yes, the Wednesday as in 48-hours before the game. So something that would happen to me the one time I venture to trust ebay. Hopefully someone is just taunting my lack of patience and uncanny ability to worry & I will get them either today or tomorrow, even Friday. Late is better than never, right?
Samantha is coming into town this weekend for a few days since it's her Spring break. I'm a little upset that I took all my Spring breaks for granted. Wish someone would have told me they wouldn't last forever. Really though, they probably did. Had I known last year that it was going to be my last Spring break of my life, I think I would have done something way more fun-- or at least something more fun than training, since in the end, that sacrifices didn't change anything. Either way, we'll have a great time together. Spend some time on the beach & relaxing. Out weekend mission is to find Sam a fabulous semi-formal dress.
Need to get back on my bucket list grind. The game Friday would give me a chance to cross it off...if we make it there. Want to get a puzzle sometime soon to start working on but I think I need to get my closet situation fixed so I have some room. My next project is to start training for a half marathon to run sometime this summer. Chrissy, Della & I were throwing around the idea of running the Chicago Rock & Roll Half on August 14th. Hopefully we can pull it off!
I got Amy-- my first cousin on my Dad's side-- a gift for her baby shower coming up in a few weeks. It is adorable if I do say so myself! Need to get it in the mail and up to my Grandmother in time for her to take it to the shower.
No life changing events happening here lately. I have a meeting tomorrow with the Religious Education Director at San Marco Catholic to discuss how I can get involved with the program and ultimately teach a CCD class. Have another meeting Saturday to sit on the panel for a non-profit organization getting starting on the island called Bedtime Bundles. Feels so great to get involved in different organizations. With my parents, I feel like I have some big shoes to fill.
Until next time, keep dreaming big xo
I kicked off this week by having my entire closet crumble within itself, leaving a pile of "closet" large enough to completely overtake the elliptical in my room. Which really, is such a shame since that elliptical my parents "had to have," gets used only once in a blue moon. Hah! With everything being so hectic-- particularly Dad's schedule between Real Estate & the Seafood Festival-- three days later, the pile remains.
Jenn & I are supposed to go to a Yankee/Red Sox game on Friday however, I got the tickets off ebay for an excitingly low price and...yup! You got it. Have yet to see the tickets and today is Wednesday. Yes, the Wednesday as in 48-hours before the game. So something that would happen to me the one time I venture to trust ebay. Hopefully someone is just taunting my lack of patience and uncanny ability to worry & I will get them either today or tomorrow, even Friday. Late is better than never, right?
Samantha is coming into town this weekend for a few days since it's her Spring break. I'm a little upset that I took all my Spring breaks for granted. Wish someone would have told me they wouldn't last forever. Really though, they probably did. Had I known last year that it was going to be my last Spring break of my life, I think I would have done something way more fun-- or at least something more fun than training, since in the end, that sacrifices didn't change anything. Either way, we'll have a great time together. Spend some time on the beach & relaxing. Out weekend mission is to find Sam a fabulous semi-formal dress.
Need to get back on my bucket list grind. The game Friday would give me a chance to cross it off...if we make it there. Want to get a puzzle sometime soon to start working on but I think I need to get my closet situation fixed so I have some room. My next project is to start training for a half marathon to run sometime this summer. Chrissy, Della & I were throwing around the idea of running the Chicago Rock & Roll Half on August 14th. Hopefully we can pull it off!
I got Amy-- my first cousin on my Dad's side-- a gift for her baby shower coming up in a few weeks. It is adorable if I do say so myself! Need to get it in the mail and up to my Grandmother in time for her to take it to the shower.
No life changing events happening here lately. I have a meeting tomorrow with the Religious Education Director at San Marco Catholic to discuss how I can get involved with the program and ultimately teach a CCD class. Have another meeting Saturday to sit on the panel for a non-profit organization getting starting on the island called Bedtime Bundles. Feels so great to get involved in different organizations. With my parents, I feel like I have some big shoes to fill.
Until next time, keep dreaming big xo
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)