In, what I like to call my old life, I heard that phrase as frequently as the words 'focus.. breathe.. concentrate.. listen.. kick faster.. yell louder!' I say I heard it but did I really listen to it? I grasped the whole be hungry part. All I wanted to do was kick faster and yell louder than the person standing next to me. I was hungry all the time. Figuratively. Literally, too. I never felt as though I wasn't humble until tonight.
This royal blue bag at my feet holds an unimaginable amount of memories and emotions and life lessons and accomplishments and hurt. I cringe at the thought of it. I've tried to get rid of it so many times but I can't. I woke up this weekend and I am ready. I am hungry. I am humbled. I roll my eyes at the thought of having that conversation. The one that means the world to the girl delivering and essentially nothing to the one receiving. Guts will be spilled. Emotions will surface. This girl will speak the words naturally. Inside, she will choke. I have to humble myself. I sat outside that gym tonight and starred. Starred for nearly an hour. I'm sure they noticed. I was paralyzed. I could gather myself enough to venture to the door. It made me beg and wish and long for my old life back. Routined. Familiar. Predictable. Easy. That isn't what life is all about. It's about being humble and being scared. Confronting my gear and holding myself together. It's about picking up the pieces and moving forward. If we stay where we are, that's the only place we'll ever be. I want to live the length of my time and the width and the height. I want to feel it all.
The thrill of victory and the agony of defeat.
Where I don't let success get to my head or failure get to my heart.
Be humble and hungry.
Do one thing everyday that scares you.
Well, this girl let this day pass without being humble enough. She wasn't hungry enough. She certainly and most definitely bailed like a complete coward when she had the perfect, beyond perfect, opportunity to conquer something that is scary.
Tomorrow is another day. Another chance to be great. I will have that dreaded conversation and enjoy it for the end result, will be success. Will be humbling. Will kick off a new adventure. They may not know my name but I assure, as I have before, they will. The day will come where they ask about my past because they care. They'll respect me. I will work for it. In the meantime, I will be hungry and humble. Look fear in the eyes and giggle.
Giggle in my short, blonde, girly-girl self and pursue that passion; light the fire and end the night knowing, I did one thing today that scares me.
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