Cross it off, chalk it off

No better time than the present right? We can go ahead and cross off the trusty Bucket list,

• permanently delete Facebook

I know I said from the beginning that I was well aware that there would be days when I would be totally and completely out of my comfort zone. I said it like I was perfectly fine with it-- which I thought I would be. Thought it would be new and fun and exciting. I couldn't have been more wrong. I am, always have been, the type of person to own up to my mistakes, to own what I've done and admit when I am wrong. With that, I was always forgiven; it was always a lesson learned.

Well, I suppose, here's my big, warm "welcome to the real world." I have spent the past two days in tears, on edge and more than ever, wanting my old life back. I would, without question, trade the past two days for the worse days training, ever had to offer. For ladder drills up to twenty and back down again, for being put in the circle, for a timed 5k on a torn hamstring or a kick to the face with the mirror breaking my fall. I'd take a loss to someone I've already beaten, I'd take the mental games, the put downs, the let downs and the tears. I'd take it all because I knew it was worth it. I knew that the day would end and the next day would begin-- maybe better, maybe worse.  There was no denying that eventually, days or weeks or months down the road, there would be one day where it was all worth it. Where every drop of blood, sweat and tears would pay off in pride and glory and success.

Looking at the situation like that, I suppose that's life. There are, and always will be, days where people knock you down, put you down and even kick you when you're already down & the worse part? There is no center referee to break it up, to make the calls, to warn you or deduct points. It is just you against your opponent, and these days, that opponent may very well be the entire world-- or at least, what feels like the entire world.

There were many times I let people get to me-- I let them make me cry and doubt myself and question my own ability but one thing I never let them do, was break my spirit. No matter what I was faced with, I still had the desire to keep going. The hunger was still there to make it & to prove them all wrong. 

Here I stand with my big girl pants on, in the real world, with everyone scrutinizing my every move. It's literally like being in the circle-- where everyone gets a piece & you have no choice but to keep going. To do whatever it takes to stay standing. To fight through the pain and suck up the doubt.

A very smart Jersey boy once said, the more things change, the more they stay the same. 

And thus, in the face of any adversity, it's sink or swim. Really though, it's swim.

Failing is not an option; sinking is not a possibility.