"I believe in the sun, even when it's not shining, I believe in love, even when I can't feel it & I believe in God, even when He's silent"
"If you're a fool for love you're no fool at all; vulnerability is a sign of strength- the absence of fear."
"He isn't your prince charming, if he doesn't make sure you know you're his princess."
7.12.2011
Live my life from quote-to-quote
Anyone who knows me, knows I live my life from quote-to-quote. I've come across some great quotes and - unfortunately - didn't save them and they were never seen again. I'm going to start posting them here as somewhat of an archive. Hope you enjoy them as much as I do :)
Ipod full of memories
It always makes me laugh when old "flings" - if that's what you'd like to call it - rear their ugly head only to stir up enough curiosity to drive you insane. And just like that, they're gone. I analyze everything and those kinds of unpredictable encounters is enough to send my stress levels off the chart. At the end of the day, it makes me smile & even laugh & often wonder, if somewhere down the road, maybe... just maybe...
Over the past few days, I have recognized a few favorite things that I have taken for granted my entire life:
Over the past few days, I have recognized a few favorite things that I have taken for granted my entire life:
- raised on the water and on a boat, the feeling of salt in my hair and sun on my skin-- I'm convinced, is good for my soul.
- mine and my brother's rekindled relationship. cMn leaving for college was more difficult than I could have ever imagined. it's wonderful watching him grow into an amazing gentleman but difficult to swallow that he's not my baby anymore.
- home is not a place but a state of mind. how non-blood relatives have become just as important to me as my 'big, fat Italian family" I left behind in New Jersey.
- To stop analyzing 'where I belong' and just go with the tides. in the end, I'll end up where I'm supposed to.
- play that old iPod on shuffle every now-and-then. amazing the memories and emotions those old songs you forgot about, can stir up. a comforting feeling.
7.01.2011
A look back at the year
With 4th of July weekend quickly approaching, it's difficult not to think about where I was and what I was doing this time last year. Maybe because prior to this year, 4th of July was virtually non-existent or maybe because this year, it is. It feel like that part of my life is so much further away than just a year; that the people who meant the world to me, I no longer communicate with.
Exactly a year ago, I was on the second floor of a convention center, dressed in enough layers for ski slopes, physically and emotionally weak in every sense of the word; wishing time away. It wasn't all enjoyable but I did (and still would) long for the end result. The struggles, the hard work, the pain-- all things I am proud of. I've defied my own abilities and that journey has shaped me into the woman I am. I understand what I am capable of. I've proved it time and time again. As with all wonderful things, you eventually reach the last page of the chapter. It was all part of what I lived for, what I loved and what I eventually had to leave behind. To move on. To grow. To start my life in reality.
It's undoubtedly a bittersweet sensation and continues as a daily struggle, I can't help but strive for peace. Peace within the situation. Peace within myself. I'm still searching for my silver lining because I believe it exists.
Believe.
Exactly a year ago, I was on the second floor of a convention center, dressed in enough layers for ski slopes, physically and emotionally weak in every sense of the word; wishing time away. It wasn't all enjoyable but I did (and still would) long for the end result. The struggles, the hard work, the pain-- all things I am proud of. I've defied my own abilities and that journey has shaped me into the woman I am. I understand what I am capable of. I've proved it time and time again. As with all wonderful things, you eventually reach the last page of the chapter. It was all part of what I lived for, what I loved and what I eventually had to leave behind. To move on. To grow. To start my life in reality.
It's undoubtedly a bittersweet sensation and continues as a daily struggle, I can't help but strive for peace. Peace within the situation. Peace within myself. I'm still searching for my silver lining because I believe it exists.
Believe.
5.02.2011
Taking the next step
One of these days I will be content with the layout of this blog. Until then, I'll be teaching myself different aspects creating templates.
I'm watching the 6:00 News right now, listening to them discuss the successful mission to kill Osama Bin Laden which happened late last night. I'm not a very political person by any mean and I am finding out that I'm way more of a humanitarian than I ever thought I was. However, the death of this one person has served as justice for much of the country. The media has ranked this historic moment as significant as September 11, 2011, itself. It has certainly stirred up the emotions of that day and I'm assuming, one day, emotions of this day will too be stirred up as an "I remember exactly what I was doing when I heard the news" moment. It's amazing to see the patriotism throughout the country. It's almost as strong as it was on 9/11. It's too bad we aren't that appreciative and patriotic all the time.
On a lighter note, some exciting things are happening in the next few weeks...well, exciting for me! This Saturday is the Naples Junior's Derby Dash. I still have no dress and no hat but I am definitely getting exciting for it. The following weekend, by best friend is finally getting married. I better step up my wardrobe game since I'm not sure what I'll be wearing to that event either.
I'm finally taking the next step in this chapter of my life by moving...again :) I know, I know. I feel like all I do is move too but hopefully this will be the last time for a while. I'll be further from work but closer to my sisters and back in my own with my own space. Like music to my ears. For the next few weeks I'll be packing up and getting ready for a "one trip move" which is the only way I will move- in one trip- no matter how many car fulls it takes, I refuse to go back and fourth.
The past few weeks I have sat back and realized those who are so unbelievably significant in my life and those who aren't. I know I've said it before and I honestly do believe it but sometimes acting is much more difficult than believing. As always, there comes a moment where the realization hits you and you find the strength to cut ties with those who have continued to linger around, really, for no reason. Those you haven't trusted or respected or gave a second thought in years. Those who have said and done horrible things, yet you've always found it in you to forgive them but for what? Really, no reason. Those kinds of people will never change and will always be just "a little bit different" and "never better than what they've been," as my mother would say. Regardless of what they are, what they do or what they say, it doesn't effect me one way or the other. I'm sure they'll continue to say what they want but I'll never hear it. It feels wonderful to rid myself of people who aren't headed the same direction as I am; from those who bring nothing to a relationship; from those who don't benefit me in the least. It's a good feeling to know who you are, where you're going and that my day in the sun is not far off.
I'm finally taking the next step in this chapter of my life by moving...again :) I know, I know. I feel like all I do is move too but hopefully this will be the last time for a while. I'll be further from work but closer to my sisters and back in my own with my own space. Like music to my ears. For the next few weeks I'll be packing up and getting ready for a "one trip move" which is the only way I will move- in one trip- no matter how many car fulls it takes, I refuse to go back and fourth.
The past few weeks I have sat back and realized those who are so unbelievably significant in my life and those who aren't. I know I've said it before and I honestly do believe it but sometimes acting is much more difficult than believing. As always, there comes a moment where the realization hits you and you find the strength to cut ties with those who have continued to linger around, really, for no reason. Those you haven't trusted or respected or gave a second thought in years. Those who have said and done horrible things, yet you've always found it in you to forgive them but for what? Really, no reason. Those kinds of people will never change and will always be just "a little bit different" and "never better than what they've been," as my mother would say. Regardless of what they are, what they do or what they say, it doesn't effect me one way or the other. I'm sure they'll continue to say what they want but I'll never hear it. It feels wonderful to rid myself of people who aren't headed the same direction as I am; from those who bring nothing to a relationship; from those who don't benefit me in the least. It's a good feeling to know who you are, where you're going and that my day in the sun is not far off.
"Be happy for this moment." - xo
4.18.2011
Swore we'd never see the end
This past weekend I attended Tri Delta's Spring Formal as one of my dearest little sister's date. Well, back-up date to be exact- which was the only reason I didn't turn down the invite in fear of being "that girl" who returns to her old sorority events in hopes of re-living her college years.
My biological sister serves as the Continuing Education Chair where one of her duties is making sure the seniors are recognized in a special way as they enter the next chapter of their lives. This year, she chose to have a table at formal, on the table was a card for each graduating senior. On my way out, I stopped to write a few words in these cards, all ending with "PC '07 <3 Heather." I made it to the last card before I was flooded with this unrecognizable feeling that came in the form of tears...or for anyone who knows me, hysteria. It was in that moment I realized that we have reached the end of the road in our collegiate journey. Those who are graduating now, are women I began that journey with nearly four years ago as strangers. We set out into the unknown together, side-by-side, and since have conquered all that we were set to endure. We got our big sisters, who (we felt) left us soon before we were ready; we held positions (we though) we would never be able to handle; and we became big sisters, who thought, we would never live up to what our big sisters were to us.
Everything everyone warned us about, preached to us about, got us excited for, prepared for, scared for and yearning for, we saw, we did, we faced, we accomplished, we overcame, we conquered and sometimes, we just figured it out. Those times we didn't, we had the greatest gift of all-- our sisters to lean on, to hold us up and to pull us through it. We had the wise words of those who came before us and our ritual book to hold tight.
Last night, as I turned off the light next to my bed I took a moment to appreciate the picture (and frame) that sits comfortably on my nightstand. It's a picture of my little sister and her little sister (my grandlittle) with Ohana engraved at the bottom, and three perfectly shaped Deltas. I smiled and glanced over at the two gorgeous paddles hanging on my wall, positioned perfectly under my initiation certificated from Tri Delta's Executive Office. It was such a surreal moment; one day I thought I would never see. Emotions ran again.
It's not a specific feeling; it's every feeling all at once. Four years ago I took a chance and a risk to participate in formal recruitment. By means of fate and God's will (and proper ritual procedures, of course) I became a Tri Delta. At that moment, I did not only pave a path for myself, but for my little sister who would- two years later- become my legacy. Whom I helped initiate and who wore (and almost lost) my pin proudly over her heart, for the next year. I never saw it before but I see it now that the leap of fate I took as a fearless 18-year-old freshman has changed the entire course of my life and my little sister's life-- and any daughters or neices we may have in the future.
This experience has taken me from a girl to a lady and now a woman who is ready to face the world alone and confidently, with Tri Delta near and dear to my heart. This has made us all better; has made us willing and able to embark on our newest journey and next chapter of our lives.
My biological sister serves as the Continuing Education Chair where one of her duties is making sure the seniors are recognized in a special way as they enter the next chapter of their lives. This year, she chose to have a table at formal, on the table was a card for each graduating senior. On my way out, I stopped to write a few words in these cards, all ending with "PC '07 <3 Heather." I made it to the last card before I was flooded with this unrecognizable feeling that came in the form of tears...or for anyone who knows me, hysteria. It was in that moment I realized that we have reached the end of the road in our collegiate journey. Those who are graduating now, are women I began that journey with nearly four years ago as strangers. We set out into the unknown together, side-by-side, and since have conquered all that we were set to endure. We got our big sisters, who (we felt) left us soon before we were ready; we held positions (we though) we would never be able to handle; and we became big sisters, who thought, we would never live up to what our big sisters were to us.
Everything everyone warned us about, preached to us about, got us excited for, prepared for, scared for and yearning for, we saw, we did, we faced, we accomplished, we overcame, we conquered and sometimes, we just figured it out. Those times we didn't, we had the greatest gift of all-- our sisters to lean on, to hold us up and to pull us through it. We had the wise words of those who came before us and our ritual book to hold tight.
Last night, as I turned off the light next to my bed I took a moment to appreciate the picture (and frame) that sits comfortably on my nightstand. It's a picture of my little sister and her little sister (my grandlittle) with Ohana engraved at the bottom, and three perfectly shaped Deltas. I smiled and glanced over at the two gorgeous paddles hanging on my wall, positioned perfectly under my initiation certificated from Tri Delta's Executive Office. It was such a surreal moment; one day I thought I would never see. Emotions ran again.
It's not a specific feeling; it's every feeling all at once. Four years ago I took a chance and a risk to participate in formal recruitment. By means of fate and God's will (and proper ritual procedures, of course) I became a Tri Delta. At that moment, I did not only pave a path for myself, but for my little sister who would- two years later- become my legacy. Whom I helped initiate and who wore (and almost lost) my pin proudly over her heart, for the next year. I never saw it before but I see it now that the leap of fate I took as a fearless 18-year-old freshman has changed the entire course of my life and my little sister's life-- and any daughters or neices we may have in the future.
This experience has taken me from a girl to a lady and now a woman who is ready to face the world alone and confidently, with Tri Delta near and dear to my heart. This has made us all better; has made us willing and able to embark on our newest journey and next chapter of our lives.
3.22.2011
Tired of calm waters
I got some amazing news this past weekend that one of my dearest sisters, Chrissy, has an extra ticket to the NASA Shuttle Launch on April 19th. It's one of the last shuttle launches NASA will have and it's been pretty difficult to get tickets. Seeing a shuttle launch is something that is on my bucket list and I was very disappointed to find that it may never happen with how in demand the tickets are. It was such a surprise when Chrissy told me and I am so thankful. Not to mention unbelievably excited. There was certainly screaming and jumping up-and-down when I heard the news. Will surely post pictures and updates of the event...and cross it off my list, of course!
We've all been busy getting ready for the Seafood Festival that is scheduled for this weekend on Marco Island. It's such a busy time of the year for Dad, as this event might-as-well be his fourth child. As long as the weather is gorgeous, Dad is happy...which means we're all happy. So far, the forecast is looking like perfect weather for Saturday and Sunday.
So, I've been watching and reading and following all of Bethenny Frankel's shows, blogs, twitter-- whatever. I know, I sound crazy but there is something about her that I have been absolutely drawn to. Her determination; her honesty; how she holds people to such high standards and isn't afraid to work herself to death. I've found that the drive and determination of athletics can, in fact, be transferred to other areas of life. That a successful career is just as rewarding as athletics. Maybe even more so. I'm sure there are lives Bethenny has changed due to her products and what she believes in. I feel that her strong characteristic is that she isn't afraid. She isn't afraid to work until it's right. Fear in itself is a huge obstacle to overcome. So many people do not set out to accomplish certain aspirations because they are fearful-- the "what if's" take over and hinder the possibilities that have yet to be created.
The same as when I was an athlete, I am totally playing safe right now. I'm waiting to be told my next move; I'm waiting for someone to show me the way down that path they have already created. Forget that; I'm so bored! I'm done doing what has already been done. I'm done recreating what other people have already created themselves. No more filling in the blanks spots on the template-- I'm re-doing this template. This doesn't mean I will not take advice from others. In fact, I will such every word up like a sponge. I will keep what I like, and mentally put aside that which I don't care for. I will take my ideas and run with them. If I sink, so what, I tried. I'm stirring things up because I'm tired of calm waters. I want my feathers ruffled; I want to be stressed and busy and tired...and accomplished.
That is where I'm at, here and now, right at this moment.
With that, I am also planning to move out of my parents' house sometime soon. Possibly in with one of my sorority sisters who I adore! I'm forward for my independence back but for now, taking one day at a time.
3.08.2011
They call them "roots" for a reason
I've been waiting all day to spill my guts through my keyboard. I'll cut to the chase.
What I've identified myself as since the day I can remember:
-a Jersey girl
-someone's best friend
When I say since the time I can remember, I really mean two years old. She was my right hand and I was her left. We were one in the same; soul mates if you will. My mom tells me stories of us finishing each other's sentences, sharing thoughts without words...essentially, being one mind in two bodies.
We faded in and out of friendship when we went to different elementary schools. We only saw each other once a week during those years; those years I had no idea what I had.
"Maybe our girlfriends are our soulmates and guys are just people to have fun with."
— Candace Bushnell
I moved when I was twelve and sometime after that, we became closer than ever from hundreds of miles away. I started to appreciate and cherish this long-time friendship that we swore would last till the day we died. We'd be maid of honors in weddings, we'd be godmother's and aunt's to children, we'd grow old together, cause chaos in our wheelchairs-- we'd do it all, side-by-side, forever & always.
The same way I'd always be a Jersey girl, I'd always be her best friend and she'd always be mine. You know where this is going, '...or so I thought.'
It's been nearly ten years since I've left the Garden State and everything I'd ever know. Now-a-days, I wake up, I go about my day often without thinking about my past. I look outside my window at the Gulf of Mexico, and that house on Kettle Creek seems a faded memory; a figment of my childhood; a girl I once was. I swore to my Grandmother, day in and day out, that when I was 'a big girl' I would come back home to her. I would 'return to my roots' simply because 'it's where I belong.'
I had no idea then, what my future would hold. I have no idea now, what my future might hold.
Almost ten years and all I have to show for it is a box full of pictures, a hand full of memories, deleted numbers from my phone and a deactivated Facebook so they are unable to find me. I am not running from my past, I am moving beyond it. I am forcing myself to cut the ties with some of the greatest people I've ever known, simply because, they were people I had known-- they are no longer people I know.
It's scary and it's sad. It's confirming my biggest fear. We are growing up and moving on. Things are changing and change is my biggest fear. I've dealt with change all my life and the one thing I've learned, it will never end. Just as sure as the sun rises in the morning and sets in the evening, things will change as they please. It cannot be controlled; change runs wild and runs free. It does not ask for opinions or approval. Change marches to the beat of it's own drum-- most times, when you're not even in the mood for music at all.
I lost my friend and I lost my identity all in one fell swoop... or did I?
Our friendship was one of the best I'd ever known but I know, with this, there will be more. Different I'm sure, for that one was unique in itself, but wonderful none-the-less.
As for my identity, I am finding they are called roots for a reason. Think about it, the roots are the base of a flower. They are far deeper than the eye can see; far below the surface and the beautiful flower which we enjoy. They are the foundation and the reason the flower exists, however, no one pays mind to the roots for they are so far gone into the ground that are almost irrelevant. They are irrelevant to the spectator but everything to the flower-- the key to its growth and the means of growth into such beauty and delicacy.
The flower will never forget, but, without doubt, has grown far beyond the roots of its beginnings.
I will never forget my roots, for they are my foundation of my being; of the woman I have become. Still, they are far gone, so far behind me, I cannot show them to the world. All I can show is the beauty I possess here and now. One day, today will be my roots-- the roots and foundation of the person I have yet become.
Today, I am the flower of my yesterdays and the roots to my tomorrows.
What I've identified myself as since the day I can remember:
-a Jersey girl
-someone's best friend
When I say since the time I can remember, I really mean two years old. She was my right hand and I was her left. We were one in the same; soul mates if you will. My mom tells me stories of us finishing each other's sentences, sharing thoughts without words...essentially, being one mind in two bodies.
We faded in and out of friendship when we went to different elementary schools. We only saw each other once a week during those years; those years I had no idea what I had.
"Maybe our girlfriends are our soulmates and guys are just people to have fun with."
— Candace Bushnell
I moved when I was twelve and sometime after that, we became closer than ever from hundreds of miles away. I started to appreciate and cherish this long-time friendship that we swore would last till the day we died. We'd be maid of honors in weddings, we'd be godmother's and aunt's to children, we'd grow old together, cause chaos in our wheelchairs-- we'd do it all, side-by-side, forever & always.
The same way I'd always be a Jersey girl, I'd always be her best friend and she'd always be mine. You know where this is going, '...or so I thought.'
It's been nearly ten years since I've left the Garden State and everything I'd ever know. Now-a-days, I wake up, I go about my day often without thinking about my past. I look outside my window at the Gulf of Mexico, and that house on Kettle Creek seems a faded memory; a figment of my childhood; a girl I once was. I swore to my Grandmother, day in and day out, that when I was 'a big girl' I would come back home to her. I would 'return to my roots' simply because 'it's where I belong.'
I had no idea then, what my future would hold. I have no idea now, what my future might hold.
Almost ten years and all I have to show for it is a box full of pictures, a hand full of memories, deleted numbers from my phone and a deactivated Facebook so they are unable to find me. I am not running from my past, I am moving beyond it. I am forcing myself to cut the ties with some of the greatest people I've ever known, simply because, they were people I had known-- they are no longer people I know.
It's scary and it's sad. It's confirming my biggest fear. We are growing up and moving on. Things are changing and change is my biggest fear. I've dealt with change all my life and the one thing I've learned, it will never end. Just as sure as the sun rises in the morning and sets in the evening, things will change as they please. It cannot be controlled; change runs wild and runs free. It does not ask for opinions or approval. Change marches to the beat of it's own drum-- most times, when you're not even in the mood for music at all.
I lost my friend and I lost my identity all in one fell swoop... or did I?
Our friendship was one of the best I'd ever known but I know, with this, there will be more. Different I'm sure, for that one was unique in itself, but wonderful none-the-less.
As for my identity, I am finding they are called roots for a reason. Think about it, the roots are the base of a flower. They are far deeper than the eye can see; far below the surface and the beautiful flower which we enjoy. They are the foundation and the reason the flower exists, however, no one pays mind to the roots for they are so far gone into the ground that are almost irrelevant. They are irrelevant to the spectator but everything to the flower-- the key to its growth and the means of growth into such beauty and delicacy.
The flower will never forget, but, without doubt, has grown far beyond the roots of its beginnings.
I will never forget my roots, for they are my foundation of my being; of the woman I have become. Still, they are far gone, so far behind me, I cannot show them to the world. All I can show is the beauty I possess here and now. One day, today will be my roots-- the roots and foundation of the person I have yet become.
Today, I am the flower of my yesterdays and the roots to my tomorrows.
3.02.2011
March Madness
Total madness here! Just kidding; well, sort of. Things have been crazy busy around here but I suppose that's a good thing.
I kicked off this week by having my entire closet crumble within itself, leaving a pile of "closet" large enough to completely overtake the elliptical in my room. Which really, is such a shame since that elliptical my parents "had to have," gets used only once in a blue moon. Hah! With everything being so hectic-- particularly Dad's schedule between Real Estate & the Seafood Festival-- three days later, the pile remains.
Jenn & I are supposed to go to a Yankee/Red Sox game on Friday however, I got the tickets off ebay for an excitingly low price and...yup! You got it. Have yet to see the tickets and today is Wednesday. Yes, the Wednesday as in 48-hours before the game. So something that would happen to me the one time I venture to trust ebay. Hopefully someone is just taunting my lack of patience and uncanny ability to worry & I will get them either today or tomorrow, even Friday. Late is better than never, right?
Samantha is coming into town this weekend for a few days since it's her Spring break. I'm a little upset that I took all my Spring breaks for granted. Wish someone would have told me they wouldn't last forever. Really though, they probably did. Had I known last year that it was going to be my last Spring break of my life, I think I would have done something way more fun-- or at least something more fun than training, since in the end, that sacrifices didn't change anything. Either way, we'll have a great time together. Spend some time on the beach & relaxing. Out weekend mission is to find Sam a fabulous semi-formal dress.
Need to get back on my bucket list grind. The game Friday would give me a chance to cross it off...if we make it there. Want to get a puzzle sometime soon to start working on but I think I need to get my closet situation fixed so I have some room. My next project is to start training for a half marathon to run sometime this summer. Chrissy, Della & I were throwing around the idea of running the Chicago Rock & Roll Half on August 14th. Hopefully we can pull it off!
I got Amy-- my first cousin on my Dad's side-- a gift for her baby shower coming up in a few weeks. It is adorable if I do say so myself! Need to get it in the mail and up to my Grandmother in time for her to take it to the shower.
No life changing events happening here lately. I have a meeting tomorrow with the Religious Education Director at San Marco Catholic to discuss how I can get involved with the program and ultimately teach a CCD class. Have another meeting Saturday to sit on the panel for a non-profit organization getting starting on the island called Bedtime Bundles. Feels so great to get involved in different organizations. With my parents, I feel like I have some big shoes to fill.
Until next time, keep dreaming big xo
I kicked off this week by having my entire closet crumble within itself, leaving a pile of "closet" large enough to completely overtake the elliptical in my room. Which really, is such a shame since that elliptical my parents "had to have," gets used only once in a blue moon. Hah! With everything being so hectic-- particularly Dad's schedule between Real Estate & the Seafood Festival-- three days later, the pile remains.
Jenn & I are supposed to go to a Yankee/Red Sox game on Friday however, I got the tickets off ebay for an excitingly low price and...yup! You got it. Have yet to see the tickets and today is Wednesday. Yes, the Wednesday as in 48-hours before the game. So something that would happen to me the one time I venture to trust ebay. Hopefully someone is just taunting my lack of patience and uncanny ability to worry & I will get them either today or tomorrow, even Friday. Late is better than never, right?
Samantha is coming into town this weekend for a few days since it's her Spring break. I'm a little upset that I took all my Spring breaks for granted. Wish someone would have told me they wouldn't last forever. Really though, they probably did. Had I known last year that it was going to be my last Spring break of my life, I think I would have done something way more fun-- or at least something more fun than training, since in the end, that sacrifices didn't change anything. Either way, we'll have a great time together. Spend some time on the beach & relaxing. Out weekend mission is to find Sam a fabulous semi-formal dress.
Need to get back on my bucket list grind. The game Friday would give me a chance to cross it off...if we make it there. Want to get a puzzle sometime soon to start working on but I think I need to get my closet situation fixed so I have some room. My next project is to start training for a half marathon to run sometime this summer. Chrissy, Della & I were throwing around the idea of running the Chicago Rock & Roll Half on August 14th. Hopefully we can pull it off!
I got Amy-- my first cousin on my Dad's side-- a gift for her baby shower coming up in a few weeks. It is adorable if I do say so myself! Need to get it in the mail and up to my Grandmother in time for her to take it to the shower.
No life changing events happening here lately. I have a meeting tomorrow with the Religious Education Director at San Marco Catholic to discuss how I can get involved with the program and ultimately teach a CCD class. Have another meeting Saturday to sit on the panel for a non-profit organization getting starting on the island called Bedtime Bundles. Feels so great to get involved in different organizations. With my parents, I feel like I have some big shoes to fill.
Until next time, keep dreaming big xo
2.22.2011
Cross it off, chalk it off
No better time than the present right? We can go ahead and cross off the trusty Bucket list,
permanently delete Facebook
I know I said from the beginning that I was well aware that there would be days when I would be totally and completely out of my comfort zone. I said it like I was perfectly fine with it-- which I thought I would be. Thought it would be new and fun and exciting. I couldn't have been more wrong. I am, always have been, the type of person to own up to my mistakes, to own what I've done and admit when I am wrong. With that, I was always forgiven; it was always a lesson learned.
Well, I suppose, here's my big, warm "welcome to the real world." I have spent the past two days in tears, on edge and more than ever, wanting my old life back. I would, without question, trade the past two days for the worse days training, ever had to offer. For ladder drills up to twenty and back down again, for being put in the circle, for a timed 5k on a torn hamstring or a kick to the face with the mirror breaking my fall. I'd take a loss to someone I've already beaten, I'd take the mental games, the put downs, the let downs and the tears. I'd take it all because I knew it was worth it. I knew that the day would end and the next day would begin-- maybe better, maybe worse. There was no denying that eventually, days or weeks or months down the road, there would be one day where it was all worth it. Where every drop of blood, sweat and tears would pay off in pride and glory and success.
Looking at the situation like that, I suppose that's life. There are, and always will be, days where people knock you down, put you down and even kick you when you're already down & the worse part? There is no center referee to break it up, to make the calls, to warn you or deduct points. It is just you against your opponent, and these days, that opponent may very well be the entire world-- or at least, what feels like the entire world.
There were many times I let people get to me-- I let them make me cry and doubt myself and question my own ability but one thing I never let them do, was break my spirit. No matter what I was faced with, I still had the desire to keep going. The hunger was still there to make it & to prove them all wrong.
Here I stand with my big girl pants on, in the real world, with everyone scrutinizing my every move. It's literally like being in the circle-- where everyone gets a piece & you have no choice but to keep going. To do whatever it takes to stay standing. To fight through the pain and suck up the doubt.
A very smart Jersey boy once said, the more things change, the more they stay the same.
And thus, in the face of any adversity, it's sink or swim. Really though, it's swim.
Failing is not an option; sinking is not a possibility.
Failing is not an option; sinking is not a possibility.
2.20.2011
Messy hair & skinned up knees
What a fabulous weekend with family, I must say! I left work at noon on Friday and headed straight to Orlando to meet up with Debbie, Kate & Taylor. We had so much catching up to do. We went down to Boardwalk-- which, might I add, is a far cry from the boardwalk we're used to-- for dinner at Flying Fish. The food was great! We walked around Epcot for a while while determined to keep Taylor awake to see the favorite part of Disney: the laser light show. I hope she enjoyed it :) Never imagined how funny that little girl would be. Her constant comments had us laughing till we cried, all night long. Saturday morning we went to breakfast where we got to see a few characters. Seeing how excited Taylor got, made me feel like a little kid again. She was so exhausted, she fell asleep right in the middle of breakfast, glasses on, head resting on a napkin. It was adorable. We went to Hollywood studios for a little while after breakfast but with Taylor being so tired, it didn't last long. When we got back to the room, I got my stuff together to head back to Marco for dinner.
On my ride up, which was about four hours, left me alone with my thoughts. I used to have more than enough down time to be alone with my thoughts when I drove to the east coast multiple times a week. Not so much anymore. I didn't have a whole lot on my mind accept for the fact that it feels good to finally be living to the fullest. I was driving down back country roads (which I should know better is no place for a Jersey girl) but I was surely all alone. I found myself with the music blaring and singing at the top of my lungs.
She grew up on side of the road
Where the church bells right & strong love grows
She grew up good
She grew up slow
Like American honey
Steady as a preacher
Free as a weed
Couldn't wait to get goin'
But wasn't quite ready to leave
So innocent, pure & sweet
American honey
Made me realize how content I am with where I am right now. That I did grow up slow. I grew up going to church and wearing a uniform. I grew up climbing trees & riding bikes. Free-spirited, with messy hair and skinned knees. My sister was my best friend & on summer nights, my dad & I would slow dance on the back porch. I matured as nature intended.
It was a much needed reminder of my roots. Of who I am- if you take every outside factor away- on the inside..down to my core. It was a breath of fresh air that I am still that girl and now, I have the means to focus on that girl. That for years now, I've been rushing through life, hurrying to the finish line, wishing time away. I couldn't wait to get going. Now, I'm not sure I'm quite ready to leave. I'm content letting time do it's job. Allowing things to happen as nature intends.
In the meantime, I will be reconnecting with my faith, discovering new passions, making a difference & being that same free-spirit, running around with bare feet and a suntan, hopefully, one day, someone else will love as much as I love being me :)
In the meantime, I will be reconnecting with my faith, discovering new passions, making a difference & being that same free-spirit, running around with bare feet and a suntan, hopefully, one day, someone else will love as much as I love being me :)
2.16.2011
Good things happen too!
I figured since the past few blogs haven't been too chipper, I'd write about some fun stuff that's been going on... in sequential order :)
First off, we should probably go back to last week. I have the greatest friend ever (!!!) who got us tickets to Taylor Swift in concert this June at the Bank Atlantic Center! I had no idea they were even going on sale until I got my 'morning project' last Thursday to be on TicketMaster at 10am to get the 'best tickets available.' After that, we proceeded to dance around the office, giggling, as if we were 12-years-old. Now if June could just hurry up a little bit, that would be perfect :)
The next thing-- #19 in my Bucket List is to attend a Yankee/Red Sox game. I figured what better way to do it than with one of my dearest sorority sisters--who just so happens to be a Boston native and a die heart Red Sox fan. This little rivalry has been a thorn in the side of our friendship, pretty much since the day we pledged Tri Delta together, the fall of 2007. Goodness Jenn, we're old as dirt; some more than others ;) After having to decided whether to go to this Spring Training game on March 4th or get new Lilly dresses, I became determined to do both. We ended up getting the tickets for $25 each! Mmhm. We can do both :) We're both so excited; 17 days & counting. I get to mark another experience off my bucket list & spend it with my most loved rival ever.
I got a huge surprise last week through a Facebook message, from my cousin Debbie, saying that her & her daughter Taylor we're coming, from New Jersey, to Orlando this weekend. I was thrilled that Debbie let me know & said that it was okay that I met them up there. Not living in Jersey anymore, it's difficult to see my little cousins grow up so quickly and not be able to have a relationship with them. My biggest fear is all my baby cousins that I adore, will essentially grow up not knowing who I am. I treasure these moments I do get to spend with my family. Debbie is also one of my cousins I've looked up to my entire life so getting to catch up with her will be wonderful! I also found out that last minute another one of my cousins Kate, who is only a year older than me, will also be visiting. I'm more excited than Taylor would be if she knew she was coming! That's right, she has no idea that she's coming to Disney! I wish I could see her face when she finds out; it will surely be priceless. I was able to work until 5:00pm everyday this week so I can leave at noon on Friday. I'm heading up to Orlando straight from there :-D
I'm headed to bed early tonight; this week's been exhausting. Have so much work I need to get done for my Dad. I'm really trying to get his website together so it can take off. I'm determined to get it to move up the search results organically. If you feel the urge, it's http://www.marcoislandluxuryproperties.com/. The site has a blog too if you'd like to follow all that's going on around the island.
Last, but certainly not least, before I go to bed, I thought I should mention that I had a Valentine's day from a fairytale story. It was everything a little girl believes that Valentine's day should be like. Then you grow up & realize it isn't really like that. At least most of the time it isn't. It's refreshing to be proven wrong. So far, it's all been pleasantly refreshing :)
Off to bed. Glad I finally stopped to realize all the wonderful things happening around me. To take time and look at the positives instead of dwelling on this void. I've decided to find something else to release the built-up competitive drive and fill the void. Until then, we'll tey and keep it on a positive note.
First off, we should probably go back to last week. I have the greatest friend ever (!!!) who got us tickets to Taylor Swift in concert this June at the Bank Atlantic Center! I had no idea they were even going on sale until I got my 'morning project' last Thursday to be on TicketMaster at 10am to get the 'best tickets available.' After that, we proceeded to dance around the office, giggling, as if we were 12-years-old. Now if June could just hurry up a little bit, that would be perfect :)
The next thing-- #19 in my Bucket List is to attend a Yankee/Red Sox game. I figured what better way to do it than with one of my dearest sorority sisters--who just so happens to be a Boston native and a die heart Red Sox fan. This little rivalry has been a thorn in the side of our friendship, pretty much since the day we pledged Tri Delta together, the fall of 2007. Goodness Jenn, we're old as dirt; some more than others ;) After having to decided whether to go to this Spring Training game on March 4th or get new Lilly dresses, I became determined to do both. We ended up getting the tickets for $25 each! Mmhm. We can do both :) We're both so excited; 17 days & counting. I get to mark another experience off my bucket list & spend it with my most loved rival ever.
I got a huge surprise last week through a Facebook message, from my cousin Debbie, saying that her & her daughter Taylor we're coming, from New Jersey, to Orlando this weekend. I was thrilled that Debbie let me know & said that it was okay that I met them up there. Not living in Jersey anymore, it's difficult to see my little cousins grow up so quickly and not be able to have a relationship with them. My biggest fear is all my baby cousins that I adore, will essentially grow up not knowing who I am. I treasure these moments I do get to spend with my family. Debbie is also one of my cousins I've looked up to my entire life so getting to catch up with her will be wonderful! I also found out that last minute another one of my cousins Kate, who is only a year older than me, will also be visiting. I'm more excited than Taylor would be if she knew she was coming! That's right, she has no idea that she's coming to Disney! I wish I could see her face when she finds out; it will surely be priceless. I was able to work until 5:00pm everyday this week so I can leave at noon on Friday. I'm heading up to Orlando straight from there :-D
I'm headed to bed early tonight; this week's been exhausting. Have so much work I need to get done for my Dad. I'm really trying to get his website together so it can take off. I'm determined to get it to move up the search results organically. If you feel the urge, it's http://www.marcoislandluxuryproperties.com/. The site has a blog too if you'd like to follow all that's going on around the island.
Last, but certainly not least, before I go to bed, I thought I should mention that I had a Valentine's day from a fairytale story. It was everything a little girl believes that Valentine's day should be like. Then you grow up & realize it isn't really like that. At least most of the time it isn't. It's refreshing to be proven wrong. So far, it's all been pleasantly refreshing :)
Off to bed. Glad I finally stopped to realize all the wonderful things happening around me. To take time and look at the positives instead of dwelling on this void. I've decided to find something else to release the built-up competitive drive and fill the void. Until then, we'll tey and keep it on a positive note.
2.10.2011
"I have to..."
Wow. Where has the week gone? Feels like the days drag on, but you turn around and the week is over. There have been lots of emotions and lots of thinking since the last time I've posted.
I just had a short conversation with an old, I suppose you could say, friend. A comment was made stating "I have to." I surprised myself... twice... with my immediate reaction. Part of me thought, I know what that's like; it used to be one of my infamous lines in, what I like to refer to as, my old life. However, my initial reaction is no you don't! Isn't that what we've all waited for our entire life? To be an adult & make our own decisions, exactly how we want to make them & not a single person can tell us otherwise. That's what was most exciting for me when I entered official adulthood. So why did I spend so much of my life saying, 'I have to?' It's simply explained but not so easily understood...even by me.
Athletes become stuck in this life of routine and predictability. Become used to having other people make decisions for you-- you essentially surrender your ability to make decisions independently. Life becomes a whirlwind of goals and desires and competitiveness, combined with blood, sweat and, in my case, tons & tons of tears, an empty stomach & bloodshot eyes, plane tickets, hotel rooms and strange places, all held together with the glue of passion and desires. It was years of my life that I wouldn't change for the world...or would I?
I practically have my breath taken away each time I open the trunk of my car, to see a Nike bag full of gear that may never be strapped on a body again, let alone see an actual ring. I still do not know how to go through an entire workout without picking my leg up. I hunger to scream with passion when making contact with another body, understanding that it may, very well, never happen again.
As I finally find the courage to walk away, I forced myself into an emotional disconnect to see the reality of the situation. Simply put, at the end of the day, the bottom line is, it was time to move on. As I type that, I know it is true; I know it is time but, if that's the case, than why is it a day-to-day struggle of regret and a screaming desire to keep trying. I constantly read about athletes and their accomplishments, about their goal to retire on a positive note and if not, they keep going. I mentally criticize myself; that I am weak, that I took it for granted, that I was careless with the situations I allowed myself to get into & that, essentially, I let someone else dictate my fate.
At the end of the day, this is life as we know it.
I came across an article the other day regarding Olympic athletes. This part of the article really hit home:
'...when it's a choice between unbridled freedom or the structure they have been used to since first entering the gym as a kid, the latter wins- hands down.'
'It's nice to wake up in the morning, know what I'm going to do, know where I'm going. It is easier mentally for me to have that than wake up and say, "I have nothing to do today.'"
'I miss being structured.'
Yeah! I feel ya! But do we want structure for the right reasons? Is it simply that it's comfortable; that it is all we've ever known? Is that not what life is all about? I'm pretty sure the real challenge in life lies in the ability to make those decisions, independently. Of course it's easier when there's a coach there telling you what to eat, when to eat, when to sleep, when to train, how to train... and the only line that is yours is, "I have to." Actually, we don't have to. We get so wrapped up in passion and wanting to be the best, that we do whatever it takes, for however long it takes, for that chance to be on top. I was never the best & not even close; that is something that may never leave my conscience for as long as I live. If not, so be it.
When it is all said and done, I didn't have to walk away, I chose to.
I chose to start my career, to have a social life, to give back to the community & to care about what other people want, not just what I want. I've accepted that, as I type this, there are people out there calling me a quitter. I'm officially the "what ever happened to..." girl. I also know that I've disappointed people for more reasons than one & I'm certain I've let people down. I've chosen to leave people in my past because maybe, just maybe, some bridges are meant to be burned.
Whatever the word on the streets are regarding my decision, I cannot let it effect the way I feel about myself. After all, that is how I found myself in this situation to begin with. Whether this choice will morph into a regret somewhere down the road, has yet to be determined. It was a choice I made, at the time, that best fit where I was in life. If that is not enough justification for my decision, than nothing will be.
For now, I'm taking every day in as if it's the last experience I'll have. I will feel these emotions of regret, envy, defeat, excitement, curiosity and tons more, everyday for the rest of my life. But I did ask for that didn't I? Yes I did. I want to feel it all, everyday, all the time. To take it all in & let it all out.
I am no longer just an athlete. I am much more than that now & I will be much more tomorrow, than I am today.
I just had a short conversation with an old, I suppose you could say, friend. A comment was made stating "I have to." I surprised myself... twice... with my immediate reaction. Part of me thought, I know what that's like; it used to be one of my infamous lines in, what I like to refer to as, my old life. However, my initial reaction is no you don't! Isn't that what we've all waited for our entire life? To be an adult & make our own decisions, exactly how we want to make them & not a single person can tell us otherwise. That's what was most exciting for me when I entered official adulthood. So why did I spend so much of my life saying, 'I have to?' It's simply explained but not so easily understood...even by me.
Athletes become stuck in this life of routine and predictability. Become used to having other people make decisions for you-- you essentially surrender your ability to make decisions independently. Life becomes a whirlwind of goals and desires and competitiveness, combined with blood, sweat and, in my case, tons & tons of tears, an empty stomach & bloodshot eyes, plane tickets, hotel rooms and strange places, all held together with the glue of passion and desires. It was years of my life that I wouldn't change for the world...or would I?
I practically have my breath taken away each time I open the trunk of my car, to see a Nike bag full of gear that may never be strapped on a body again, let alone see an actual ring. I still do not know how to go through an entire workout without picking my leg up. I hunger to scream with passion when making contact with another body, understanding that it may, very well, never happen again.
As I finally find the courage to walk away, I forced myself into an emotional disconnect to see the reality of the situation. Simply put, at the end of the day, the bottom line is, it was time to move on. As I type that, I know it is true; I know it is time but, if that's the case, than why is it a day-to-day struggle of regret and a screaming desire to keep trying. I constantly read about athletes and their accomplishments, about their goal to retire on a positive note and if not, they keep going. I mentally criticize myself; that I am weak, that I took it for granted, that I was careless with the situations I allowed myself to get into & that, essentially, I let someone else dictate my fate.
At the end of the day, this is life as we know it.
I came across an article the other day regarding Olympic athletes. This part of the article really hit home:
'...when it's a choice between unbridled freedom or the structure they have been used to since first entering the gym as a kid, the latter wins- hands down.'
'It's nice to wake up in the morning, know what I'm going to do, know where I'm going. It is easier mentally for me to have that than wake up and say, "I have nothing to do today.'"
'I miss being structured.'
Yeah! I feel ya! But do we want structure for the right reasons? Is it simply that it's comfortable; that it is all we've ever known? Is that not what life is all about? I'm pretty sure the real challenge in life lies in the ability to make those decisions, independently. Of course it's easier when there's a coach there telling you what to eat, when to eat, when to sleep, when to train, how to train... and the only line that is yours is, "I have to." Actually, we don't have to. We get so wrapped up in passion and wanting to be the best, that we do whatever it takes, for however long it takes, for that chance to be on top. I was never the best & not even close; that is something that may never leave my conscience for as long as I live. If not, so be it.
When it is all said and done, I didn't have to walk away, I chose to.
I chose to start my career, to have a social life, to give back to the community & to care about what other people want, not just what I want. I've accepted that, as I type this, there are people out there calling me a quitter. I'm officially the "what ever happened to..." girl. I also know that I've disappointed people for more reasons than one & I'm certain I've let people down. I've chosen to leave people in my past because maybe, just maybe, some bridges are meant to be burned.
Whatever the word on the streets are regarding my decision, I cannot let it effect the way I feel about myself. After all, that is how I found myself in this situation to begin with. Whether this choice will morph into a regret somewhere down the road, has yet to be determined. It was a choice I made, at the time, that best fit where I was in life. If that is not enough justification for my decision, than nothing will be.
For now, I'm taking every day in as if it's the last experience I'll have. I will feel these emotions of regret, envy, defeat, excitement, curiosity and tons more, everyday for the rest of my life. But I did ask for that didn't I? Yes I did. I want to feel it all, everyday, all the time. To take it all in & let it all out.
I am no longer just an athlete. I am much more than that now & I will be much more tomorrow, than I am today.
2.02.2011
A heart big enough to change the world
With all the things that have been going on the past few days, has just reinforced why I have chosen to embark on this journey. As many reflect back on the life and times of a good friend, who has left us all too soon, it has made me reevaluate my own life and I have been forced to see the truth in our mindset & behaviors. At this point in our lives, I feel we honestly believe we are truly invincible. By we, I mean those I associate with. We're young and educated and come from great families and wonderful support systems and are, by all means necessary, bound to change the world. Tragedies don't happen to people like us. Right? Wrong. Statistics and tragedies do not discriminate and they certainly do not warn. They come in all shapes and size, every day of every week, taking loved ones far too soon.
In this recent crisis, I believe that her heart was, in fact, big enough to change the world. But, has she done that already? The sequence of events that took place that dreadful Friday were published one time-- & that was when I really searched for the truth. Somehow the reality was covered up by the outpour of love for such a wonderful woman, which is, no doubt, undeniable. Regardless, that is just another opportunity for her to change the world. By letting us all, who think we're invincible, know that we are not. That accidents happen. That regardless of how many times we text & drive or play with our hair or fix our make-up, and arrive to our destination safely, it's still a risk we all take. All of this goes specifically for myself, but I know I'm not alone. My Panhellanic Pal was, without question, unforgettably one-of-a-kind, who certainly had a heart big enough to change the world of those she loved. Though she is no longer with here, I can only wish that she remain a life lessons in the day-to-day life of every single person she's touched.
She brought people together when they needed it most. She showed us how to laugh a little bit louder. She's whole-heartedly warned every fraternity woman and man to hold our brothers & sisters a little bit tighter & a little bit longer. Taught us all to love each other a whole lot more. Again, I can only hope, she has proven that we are not invincible-- that nothing is worth risking your golden years for.
In this recent crisis, I believe that her heart was, in fact, big enough to change the world. But, has she done that already? The sequence of events that took place that dreadful Friday were published one time-- & that was when I really searched for the truth. Somehow the reality was covered up by the outpour of love for such a wonderful woman, which is, no doubt, undeniable. Regardless, that is just another opportunity for her to change the world. By letting us all, who think we're invincible, know that we are not. That accidents happen. That regardless of how many times we text & drive or play with our hair or fix our make-up, and arrive to our destination safely, it's still a risk we all take. All of this goes specifically for myself, but I know I'm not alone. My Panhellanic Pal was, without question, unforgettably one-of-a-kind, who certainly had a heart big enough to change the world of those she loved. Though she is no longer with here, I can only wish that she remain a life lessons in the day-to-day life of every single person she's touched.
She brought people together when they needed it most. She showed us how to laugh a little bit louder. She's whole-heartedly warned every fraternity woman and man to hold our brothers & sisters a little bit tighter & a little bit longer. Taught us all to love each other a whole lot more. Again, I can only hope, she has proven that we are not invincible-- that nothing is worth risking your golden years for.
1.29.2011
Bucket List
I felt that since this blog came about, in part, to the existence and accomplishment of my bucket list, that I should keep up with it here. Although some things have already been accomplished, or seem so simple, each one holds a special meaning to me. I will blog, specifically, about each experience as I cross it off my list. I'm sure along the way, I will add and alter this list frequently; either way, I have the rest of my life to dive into each experience individually. This is so exciting for me so, here it is:
- graduate college
- wish on a shooting star
- go skydiving
- get SCUBA certified
- dive the Great Barrier Reef
- learn to play golf
- visit the White House
- fly a helicopter
- fly in a private plane
- ride in a hot air balloon
- rock climb
- attend a Giant's game
- donate blood
- donate platelets
- START A BLOG :)
- receive a graduate degree
- swim with dolphins
- ride a motorcycle
- attend a Yankee/Red Sox game
- physically hold an Olympic medal
- witness the Olympic torch being passed
- attend opening ceremonies at the Olympics
- participate in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade
- run a race in Disney
- run a 5k in every state
- run a half marathon
- take a mission trip
- visit New Orleans for Marti Gras
- watch the launch of a space shuttle
- attend Cirque de Sole
- get married
- have children
- make a quilt of Tri Delta shirts
- donate 10" of hair to Locks of Love
- stay the night at a Bed & Breakfast
- volunteer with deaf children
- climb the Statue of Liberty
- look over top of the Empire State Building
- sit in the audience at Regis & Kelly
- see Chelsea Handler live
- go to a comedy club
- visit South Beach
- ride a mule down the Grand Canyon
- camp outdoors
- ride an elephant
- go horseback riding on the beach
- witness wild horses run free
- learn to snowboard
- learn to surf
- visit Niagara Falls
- teach a CCD class
- visit St. Jude Children's Hospital
- visit Tri Delta's executive office
- have a dish/dessert I'm known for
- partake in a traditional Japanese Tea ceremony
- see the ball drop in NYC on NYE
- see a ballet
- see the sunrise & set in the same 24 hours
- finish a 1,000 piece puzzle (without help)
- donate to a charity
- serve food at a homeless shelter
- take a train across country
- hail a cab
- kiss in the pouring rain
- visit a Nazi concentration camp
- develop a close relationship with Christ
- ride in a submarine
- jump off a cliff into the water
- vacation in Hawaii
- go tech free for a week
- delete my Facebook (for good!)
- turn my phone off, one weekend a month
- surprise my grandmother with a visit to NJ
- anonymously buy dinner for a stranger
- watch turtles hatch and run for the ocean
- visit the Amish Country
- Tour Williamsburg, VA
- own my dream house
- adopt a daughter from China
- see dolphins in the wild
- go vegan for a month
- ride a horse & buggy through Central Park
- see the Rockefeller tree lighting
- see the Radio City Rockettes
- associate with a Tri Delta alumni chapter
MORE TO COME
1.28.2011
The journey of 1,000 miles, begins with a single step
Well, here goes nothing or is it here goes everything? Regardless, here I am. Since graduating college and starting my job, I’ve been doing some soul searching. I was well aware that things would play out as they have, what I wasn’t, was prepared to handle it. Essentially in one swift motion, I made the executive decision to stop training and to stop fighting, graduated college, left my entire sorority behind, moved out of the condo I shared with my sister and back into my parents house and began working a full-time job. The dust has settled and the reality is beginning to sink in.
I’ve been thinking a lot and looking to others for advice. I’ve received fabulous advice from amazing mentors, but I’ve also experienced negative influences from those same people. I’ve decided I am on a mission to discover myself; to become a woman I long to be and the woman I will eventually love more than anyone else. I will adopt the qualities I admire in others, and strive to overcome my own demons. This is a journey of self-discovery and self-love.
This past weekend, I finally set out to experience something I have long desired: I went skydiving. Yes, I jumped out of a perfectly good airplane. It was one of the most exhilarating experiences of my life, but, after the adrenalin rush wore, off the feeling that lingered was that of FINALLY taking action towards a desire. Being able to cross off “go skydiving” on my bucket list. That’s when the realization kicked in that life is what you make it. That I am sitting in the drivers seat of my own life. I am TWENTY-ONE, yes, 21-years-old with a degree and a full-time job that I love and the hunger to make it big…and what’s standing in my way? Fear. I fear myself. I’m afraid that I will make it big. That I will put my head down and truck through life until I get to the top. Really though, I don’t want to get there with my head down the whole way. I want to feel the passion I felt when I used to fight; I want to hurt like when I failed; I want to be bruised and beaten and scared and excited and challenged. I want to laugh and cry and scream and yell. I want to feel something. In fact, I want to feel everything life has to offer.
So, here it goes. Feel free to join me on my journey of self-discovery; it will all be recorded, right here for the world to see. Here goes everything.
go skydivingstart a blog
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